Resume of
Dr. Thomas Edward Topham
Objectives
- Enlist a group of like-minded Liberal Democrats into my Love-Drug-Sex Cult
- Use my minions to amass a personal fortune
- Use my minions to spread the Good News about Liberal Democracy
- Do as little work as possible
- Save the planet
Professional Qualifications
- Doctorate of Divinity, Universal Life Church
- Bachelor of Philosophy, University of British Columbia
Personal Qualifications
- I have all the answers
- I am never wrong
- I have an infinite supply of love, positive energy, good news, etc.
- Empath
- Telepath
- Channeler
- Penis of slightly larger than average size
- Willing to pay for the beer
Languages*
- Native English speaker
- Fluent Proto-slavic
- Rusty Polish
- Gibbering Russian
- Elementary French
- Elementary German
- Elementary Bulgarian
- Basic Kyrgyz
- Basic Spanish
Personal
- Born: 28 January 1968, Montreal, Canada
- Health: Excellent. I will never get old, and never die.
- Race: Human
- Citizenship: Canadian, British, Danish, Dutch, Polish, Kyrgyz, Bulgarian, etc.
- Marital Status: all women are my daughters and my wives
Contact
Surface Post
Tom Topham
c/o The Modern Institute
13 Christo Belchev, 3rd floor
1000 Sofia
Bulgaria